Man, it's been an eventful week! Let's get into it.
Anyone who knows me, knows that I try to understand anyone and everyone that I encounter or as I typically say it, "I psychoanalyze everyone I met." This would include myself.
Earlier in the week, I was hit with some self discovery. I have really deep seated fear of abandonment. I fear the people closest to me leaving me. Whether it's my family, my kids, my friends, or associates, I fear just being left behind.
I'm not really sure why this is. Some would say that this is a coping mechanism or a trauma response. This is probably true and they more I think about it, the most I see its origins. Without going into details, I can recall moments in my earlier years where people in my life just left and I had no say in the matter. That hurts and it really does have a lasting impact.
I started seeing this impact on how I interact with people, but more in how I feel when a conversation, via text, goes cold in the middle of it. I start to wonder what I did wrong and I start to doubt how much I mean to that person. I start to feel foolish to believe that someone cares enough about me to really be my friend (or whatever role that person plays in my life) and it's just invasive thought after invasive thought after invasive thought. Before my rational mind can take over (if it does) I think of ways to "course correct" the thing I think I might have possibly done or said wrong. It's a lot emotionally and cause a lot of stress and anxiety.
Now that I'm aware that I do this, I'm working on kicking in my rational mind a bit sooner and working out my faux problems with myself. This easiest thing a friend can do to help is just be honest when it's time for a conversation to end or if something comes up and you get busy. A "proper goodbye" or even a "hey, something just happen, I'll be right back/I'll talk to you soon" can go MILES toward easing my troubled mind.
Aside from all that, this past Saturday was The 149th running of the Kentucky Derby. The Wife and I had time to grocery shop both Friday and Saturday, paid some bills and were just able to enjoy each other's company. We all "placed bets", which just means we picked horses from a list, and had a good time.
The Derby wasn't the only thing on Saturday. WWE Backlash was on and we watching them live from Puerto Rico. Bad Bunny, for a musician, is a pretty decent wrestler, but Cody/Brock should NOT have been the main event. Maybe they didn't want to give Damien Priest the Main Event Spot, but with the crowd and Bad Bunny and all of the LWO run ins, they should have. An all Puerto Rican Main Event in the rare show in Puerto Rico - that's a no brainer.
I'll close this week's blog with this insight. Over the course of the weekend, my wife and I had some... tough talks. We're perfectly fine, but the topic was still difficult and multi-layered. But we had it. We had it honestly and openly and I think we sometimes fear another person's reaction so much so that we don't have the difficult talks until it's honestly too late. So, if I may, I'm going to close this with some advice:
If you have some that you need to say to someone important - a friend, a spouse, a neighbor, a co-worker, a manager - just say it. Yes, it really is that easy if you approach the subject with tact and respect. What you say might hurt their feelings or be upsetting, but we can't bear responsibility for someone else's reactions. Keep this in mind when someone tell YOU something difficult or heartbreaking. We are in 100% control of how we react to information. And if you're not in 100% control of yourself, you don't need to be around others.
- The Moon