• Dwan L. Hearn

Been A Minute

*dusts off the blog space*


[Let’s see if I remember how this works…]


Well hello. It’s been a minute. Nearly three months. I haven’t posted a blog since August 7th. In “Reflections”, I posted about losing someone I wish I was closer to.


Hey, while I’m thinking about it, text someone you haven’t talked to in a while and tell them that you’re thinking of them and you just wanted to say hello and that you love them and you’re checking in on them.


Go ahead… I’ll wait.


[pauses]


You back? Awesome! Felt good, didn’t it? Okay, I can move on with this blog now.


It’s late on the second of November as I’m typing this, listening to t.A.U.t (don’t look at me like that! That’s how it’s stylized! I love this album, by the way) and my mind isn’t exactly “racing”, but it’s busy. If I’m being honest, I’m still dealing with a lot of emotions; a lot of self-doubts. I have a lot of projects in front of me that I want to start and I can’t seem to get a grip on ANY OF THEM!


First, I have TWO scripts I want to write. Oh, snap! I didn’t tell you, blog reader, I wrote a script! It’s called “TIPS” and it’s never going to win an award, but if you only knew how important it was to finish something! That… that has been something that haunts me. With all my [insert positive quality here], I cannot finish anything. To finish TIPS means I CAN finish something. I need that.


Anyway, I have two scripts I want to work on. One is based on a novel I wanted to write and the other is based on something that happened to a friend of mine, but that idea is changing. More on that at a later date. I also have three podcasts that I’m supposed to work on. One with my buddy, Jayson about horror, one where I can share my thoughts and feelings about whatever I want, and the third one about wrestling…because of course it is! I think a lot. I have many thoughts and opinions. I want to get them all out, but that’s a battle.


Why you ask? Because I have this rude and incredibly loud voice in my head telling me that no one gives a damn what I have to say. That I’m wasting my time and I’ll just fail. It’s hard to “just ignore the Voice of Fear and do it anyway”, which is what I’d tell me if I wasn’t already me, but I’m trying.

It wasn’t just the internal stresses over the last couple of months. My youngest son had his first major asthma attack. That was scary as fuck! To sit there in a children’s emergency room watching helplessly as your baby boy is struggling to take a full breath - the anxiety I feel even now as I recount the experience, I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. I watched as the nursing staff pumped my son full of meds and I …


… as a parent, the worst feeling you can feel is helplessness. You’re divinely charged to care for this young life and when something happens and you’re helpless to stop it or fix it, you begin to question everything. If there’s a bully at school, you can call the school, visit the school, teach your kid to fight, or punch a parent in the mouth - something. You can do something. If your kid is fighting to do something as simple as breathe, there’s nothing… nothing you can say, nothing you can do. All you can do is pray and wait. Some people don’t even pray so all they can do is wait.


The youngest Boy Child is fine now. He’s taking his medicine and hasn't had an issue since. The kid is one tough sumbitch! He’s probably the toughest kid with the strongest will.


Before I continue, we all vote in one week, November 8th. Who or how you vote is YOUR business and your RIGHT. Exercise it. Just do the things and don’t let anyone stop you. If you feel like your right to vote is being violated at the polls, contact the Civil Rights Dept. If you’re in immediate danger, call 911. Find any local numbers you might need before voting so that the numbers are available to you if you see rights being violated.


And we’re back!


My birthday just passed. I’m incredibly thankful for the people who think that I’m important enough to shop for. Even if there wasn’t a penny spent, people thought of me to say happy birthday. That means a lot. Also, I’m falling in love with cheesecake all over again!


I guess, honestly, all that I’ve really been thinking about in the last three months. Worrying about my kids, trying to be there for my family and friends, and struggling to stay out of my own head; that’s been the hardest part. I’m struggling, but I’m still moving forward.


Shout out to The House of Moon and the Bourbon Triad - I love you all and I’m so thankful for all of you.


In closing, I’m alive. I’m okay. I’m working on some projects, but the biggest project I’m working on is me. My website’s newsletter is going out on Friday featuring a few of my friend’s endeavors so sign up for that.


I love you all. Thanks for taking a little bit of time with me. If you didn’t text someone at the beginning of this, do it now. If you did and they’ve written you back, you’re now free to talk to them.


Until next time (it won’t be three months this time),


- The Moon


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